Desperate to Love

I'm sick and tired of looking around. It just doesn't work that way. I'll tell you what doesn't work. Having a crush in your campus, following him all over, trying to know everything you can about him... you will end up with zero. I'm so tired of doing that. It's so childish and it gets you nowhere.

Sometimes, I'm really tempted to make the first move. But doing that will really make you seem desperate...and guys DON'T like desperate women. But am I? I'm 19. Is it reasonable for me to feel this way? Am I being in a hurry or is it just natural? As the title suggests, I feel desperate to love. I was not raised to be expressive of my feelings... we're not a 'sweet' family who hug and kiss often. I only learned to be sweet because of my friends. The point is, I'm longing for affection. I'm looking for someone who will care for me and who I can also care for. It may be wrong. Maybe that's not such a good reason to be looking for a boyfriend 'cause ideally, you find someone and you enter into a relationship with him because you think he's the one. Ideally, one enters into a relationship because s/he can imagine him/herself actually ending up with that person. I'm afraid to commit the mistake of getting into a relationship just for the sake of it and yet, I'm sick of being alone.

I'm afraid my standards are too high but I'm also scared of getting too desperate that I would hook up with the first guy that comes along regardless of who he is. I'm worried that I'm being in such a hurry but I fret that time might pass me by.

The fact that I'm looking at too many prospects is a bad sign. Am I really interested, just physically attracted, infatuated or plain desperate? I hate myself for even thinking about them that way. I wish this longing would be gone and I could just be friends with them for my own good. This is what's really bothering me. If I saw someone's profile in Facebook, then I check out his pictures, then I decided I like him...I mean, that's pathetic, right?

What is real love anyway? Should we really love just once? Is there really someone out there meant for us...and only for us? If only someone could tell me 'yes' for sure, then I can stop feeling this way now.